What If
by Thapa
Summary: Feelings - trust - fate - time. In the interrogation room two partners facing each other... What led them there? Who's the interrogator and who's the suspect? Who's the hunter and who's the game?
1. Haunted dreams

**Another Densi story. It sets after season 5 finale****_.  
_****Hope you like it  
it's a short chapter. I know ;)**

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_**Feelings - trust - faith - time.**_  
_**In the interrogation room...two partners facing each other across the table...**_  
**What led them there?**  
_**Who's the interrogator and who's the suspect?**_  
_**Who's the hunter and who's the game?**_

* * *

**TWO WEEKS EARLIER...**

It was an unusually quiet day at the office; no case, no chasing bad guys, just paperwork...  
Hetty, was called in Washington to give her own explanation about the fiasco of the last operation in Afghanistan.  
Granger, who was in charge, replacing Hetty for a while, seemed unlikely alarmed and impatient that day.  
He was constantly checking the time, like he was waiting for someone...

"What's up with Granger?" Callen nodded at Kensi

"I know, he's been acting weird all morning"

"weird? Granger is the definition of weird!" Callen noted

"tell me about it" Kensi agreed

"What are you two talking about?" Sam asked narrowing his eyes suspiciously

"nothing..." Callen replied

"are you talking about Joelle again?" Sam continued teasing

"me?! NO!" Callen looked at Sam surprised and a little annoyed.

"Kenselino it seems our friend over there has finally found his match!" Sam said playfully pointing at Callen.

"What about you Mr Deeks? Haven't you found your match yet?" Sam turned to Deeks, raising his eyebrow at him.

Deeks was caught off guard. It was obvious that he was uncomfortable with that kind of questions. The irony was that Kensi used to be the one who was uptight and Deeks on the other hand, used to be the cheerful guy who was bragging all the time about his skills (of any kind!).

Deeks smirked looking down, trying to avoid any eye contact with Kensi.  
"I guess not, maybe someday..." he answered hesitantly.

Kensi didn't like his vague answer.  
"Deeks doesn't match with anyone or anything!" she teased

"That's because I'm unique!" Deeks shot back making eye contact with her

"You know Deeks, unique species end up alone, untill they finally get vanished" Callen noted

"or they just get evolved to adapt to their new environment" Deeks reasoned

"So, which stage of this process are you in? Adapting or evolving? Kensi urged, flashing a wry grin at him.

"...both, I guess...!" he replied

Sam and Callen enjoyed seeing the two so-called partners arguing and teasing each other, like two kids fooling around!  
Two kids who were forced to grow up fast, to get strong... to become "bulletproof", hiding everything human, deep inside.  
It was a painful sight... seeing two people in love, forced to bury their feelings in the name of the strict professionalism and the blind dedication to a higher cause.  
They were capable of saving people's lives, but they weren't able to save their own selves from the "ice" breaking underneath them by the weight of this huge responsibility.

"What about this DEA agent. what was her name?"Sam continued to tease Deeks

"Talia Del Campo" Deeks shot back, making Kensi's blood boil by his instant response!

"Oh, Yeah! Talia, right..." Sam said and looked Kensi suspiciously  
"She was cute..." he added

"cute?!" Kensi returned directly trying to suppress her jealousy

"Either way, she looked impressed..." Callen implied

"by what?" Kensi cut him off with a flash of irony.

Deeks tilted his head to one side, looking at Kensi really disappointed.

"by Deeks dashing personality!" Sam continued playfully

"Ha! I'd really love to see that!" Kensi teased

"you will, eventually" Deeks looked devilishly at his partner, getting a small grin out of her  
"What about **YOU,** partner, it looks like you haven't found you perfect match, either...!" Deeks returned the question, hoping to get a better answer than his

"JACK?!" suddenly Kensi shouted with surprise, jumping off her seat.

"...or not...!" Sam muttered to Deeks

* * *

Jack had just entered the bullpen ending the conversation unexpectedly. No one was prepared for this visit.  
Kensi was stunned as everybody else in that room...  
Jack showed up like a ghost, coming to haunt Deeks dreams (with Kensi) once again.  
His worst fear had become true. Since Afghanistan, he'd been having this weird feeling -more like a hunch- that someday, Jack would come back to claim what he had left behind all these years.  
How could he compete with the fact that Jack was Kensi's unfulfilled love?  
How could he compete with the possibility that Kensi might have given him a second chance?  
Deeks would kill to find out what Kensi was thinking (or feeling), when she first saw Jack making an entry in the bullpen and into their lives.  
Was he ready to give up or would he continue fighting a losing battle?

Did he really have to adjust to this "new environment" after all?

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**next chapter coming soon...(?)**

**What do you think?**


	2. Remaining a ghost

**Thank you for your reviews! Sorry for writing another short chapter, I'm still working on it!**

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It was like time had frozen; Kensi was standing still, as life was drained out of her; she got closer slowly, with a locking gaze, unable to believe that Jack was standing before her.  
"Jack! What are you doing here?" Kensi touched him, like she was looking for evidence, proving that he wasn't a figment of her imagination!

"I'm not supposed to be here, you know..." Jack looked at Kensi meaningfully, implying that the meeting with Granger was secret.  
"_He_' s _waiting _for me..." he muttered

Before Kensi said anything else, Granger cut them in and shared a handshake with Jack  
"Finally! I thought you wouldn't make it!" Granger noted sternly and took him hastily at Hetty's office.

Once again Kensi saw Jack walking away, giving not much of an explanation. Moreover, Deeks was a witness of the same story, although, this time he was determined to be more than a witness...

"are you OK?" Deeks said with concern, standing behind her

"Yeah, I'm fine! um...do you want to go and blow off some steam?" she asked him, still having her back at him

Deeks narrowed his eyes, puzzled.  
"What? um... sure! lead the way..." he noted and followed her up to the shooting range.

* * *

**In the meantime, Jack was talking to Granger.  
**  
"So... Jack, you may not be the "White Ghost" as the CIA insist on calling you, but definitely you need to stay in this _condition, _even if you' re on American soil"

"What do you mean by _condition_?" Jack sounded confused

"remaining a ghost... you have to keep flying under the radar" Granger continued  
"you know, the CIA still want your head on a plate and they will get it, if you don't act smart. If you want to live, we have to cut a deal with them (CIA)" he urged

"Tell me what you want me to do!" Jack asked impatiently

"Give them intel... everything you know about the locals, names of possible targets or even suspects related to terrorist attacks"

"There aren't any terrorists in my village or in that area, for that matter! Besides, I've resigned! It took me years to pick up my pieces and become who I am now...I'm not gonna drag myself into _this_ again!" Jack argued

"look...it's hard but you must know that you' re too valuable for them to let you go and too dangerous to let you live"

"I'm done with this stuff. I'm not an agent anymore. I'm not gonna leave my people. All I want is to lead a peaceful life with my daughter" Jack said with a firm voice

"There won't be much of your life left, if you don't do as I say..." Granger said angrily and continued  
"Are you planning to go back?" he asked raising his eyebrows at him with surprise

"Of course!" Jack shot back

Granger was trying to warn him but that wasn't enough. Jack was a changed man, no one and nothing was able to persuade him to go back into action.  
"Jack, if you go back, they'll kill you. I can't guarantee your safety if you return to Afghanistan!"

"I'm not asking you to do this for me... all I'm asking is to guarantee my daughter's safety, that's what I came here for!" Jack reasoned

A long, silent pause followed Jack's reply. Granger was thinking over the suggestion that he was about to make.  
"Neither Afghanistan nor even the CIA, is a safe place for you and your daughter... If you don't want to work for them, there is always a _family _that you can count on.  
Join NCIS! come with us, work for us, we can offer you the safety you want for your family. You are a valuable asset, having those skills and not using them for a greater cause, would be a waste!"

"This "_greater cause" _cost me my wife's death! I was a husband once... and now I'm just a father; my daughter is all I got left from this unreasonable war."

"Even so, your wife's death can't make you less of what you really are" Granger looked at him sternly

"_those_ _days_ are long gone Granger!" Jack replied sharply and got up to leave

"We'll see about that...you've got a few days to think this over" he urged ending this not so fruitful discussion

Granger was giving Jack another chance to rethink his decision. However, it was quiet odd and fishy the fact that he insisted (almost demanded) on recruiting him. Not only was Jack a changed man but he was mentally damaged. Granger wasn't known for his understanding, he wasn't used to giving people a second chance.  
What made Jack so special?

* * *

**Back to the shooting range...** **Deeks and Kensi were just about to let off some steam...**


	3. Losing fights

**Back to the NCIS shooting range**

Deeks was heading for the shooting range, following his partner who was a few steps ahead. He was staring at her suspiciously, trying to figure out what thoughts were messing with her head this time! Her steps were more uncertain and anticipating than steady; it seemed like she was walking away again. Deeks couldn't stand the idea of losing her for a second time; he hastened his pace and reached for her hand.

"Hey! Kens..." he grabbed her hand and pulled her closer as they were entering the shooting range, closing the door behind them  
"Do you think that shooting practice is what we need right now?!"

"Have you got any better ideas?!" Kensi shot back flashing an ironic smile at him

"yeah, I do actually" he stopped for a moment "how about doing some communication practice...?"

"Deeks! not now, OK! it's not the right time" she cut him off

"It never will be, if we keep acting like this!"

"Like what?!" she returned sharply

"Like there is nothing to say, like everything is fine"

"Deeks...!" she punched him in his arm, as a warning to stop

"Ah!" he groaned holding his breath for a moment  
"Kens... I know how you feel, OK. Trust me, I've been _there_."

"and _where_ is that, exactly?" she asked squinting her eyes

"_Where_ everything is falling apart and you look around desperately to find something or someone to hold on to" he replied, seemingly disappointed with her, for being so stubborn and unwilling to talk

"Do I look desperate to you?" she returned directly with a slight grin

"No! not at all! maybe a little lost..."

"Lost?" she squinted her eyes

"Confused then!" he rephrased trying hard not to be irritating

"OK, just to make things clear…I'm not confused or lost either. I just, can't get used to _this_..."

"_this_?" Deeks frowned raising his eyebrow at her

"I thought I'd be OK, If I'd seen Jack again but I'm not. I don't know why but I'm worried. Seeing Jack here, it scares me"

"What do you mean?" Deeks seemed confused

"The last time I saw Jack, he was trying -thanks to Granger- to take the lead from the CIA.  
And now he is here, the CIA won't stop until they track him down and kill him. Why is he risking his life to come over here? Believe it or not, he would be safer if he stayed in Afghanistan!"

"Are you worried about him or...?" he held back

"or...?" Kensi added with a hint of irony on her face

"or you still care?" Deeks ended the phrase hesitantly. Deep down, he didn't want to make that question as he was afraid of her answer.

"why do YOU care?" Kensi shot back suspiciously

"this is not an answer..." Deeks returned directly

"Damn it Deeks! Why do you care?" she urged as the conversation was getting out of hand

"Don't you want me to care?"

"so, you DO, care?" Kensi couldn't stop herself from playing with words (and with him!)

"of course I do! I'm your...partner!"

"OK! so could you please explain this to me; since when my partner cares for how I feel about my ex?"

Deeks didn't see that coming! He got himself trapped in this awkward discussion, without a way out!  
"Um... actually partners do that!" his reply wasn't so convincing.

"really?, so are you saying that is absolutely normal to ask me if I'm still in love with my ex?"

"What?! wait! I didn't ask you that!" a short pause followed before he explodes!  
"ARE YOU?" his frustration was so obvious that made Kensi chuckle

"of course NOT Deeks!" Kensi said with a comforting tone.

Deeks shied with relief  
"Good to know... Good to know!" he replied trying to hide his shock

Kensi was more than pleased watching Deeks so worried about her feelings towards Jack. His reaction clearly meant something.  
For a moment, she caught herself staring at him intensely, unable to resist; she leaned over and without knowing she kissed him on his cheek.

"What was that for?" Deeks was stunned

"would you prefer giving you punches, instead of kissing you?" she felt uncomfortable with what had just happened

"I thought kisses allowed, only on undercover missions!" Deeks said with a playful tone

"It was just a kiss on your cheek, don't make such a big deal about it!"

"Well, this is a working place Kensalina, and there are cams all over the place!"

"I know shaggy! that's why I kissed you on your cheek!" she whispered getting closer.

Deeks closed his eyes trying to save that image in his head, but to his disappointment, Kensi "woke" him up with a punch!

"Fern, you know I don't mind the punches as long as you keep giving me kisses" he teased her

"working place, remember?!" she noted pointing at the camera behind him

"Wow! So, are you saying, things would be different, If we were somewhere else; more private maybe!?" he teased.

"I'm not saying anything! OK!" she cut him off

"You don't have to... you're showing it!" he shot back with a devilish look

"showing what exactly?" she replied defensively

"that you can't fight _it_ anymore!" Deeks tilted his head locking his eyes at her frowned face

Kensi looked down seemingly troubled, she knew that Deeks was right, but she couldn't handle that truth.  
Some days were easier than others; sometimes she was able to govern her emotions easily and other times that "task" was unbearable.  
Gradually, Kensi was coming to the realization, that all this time she had been trying in vain to control her feelings by putting her heart on hold. She was fooling herself believing that the heart was just another muscle, needed training to become harder, stronger...impenetrable. The truth was that the closer she was to him, the weaker her heart was getting. She was in love with him and she was feeling vulnerable (she hated that). She couldn't fight it anymore but she needed to control it.

"...like you can fight it!" she continued after a long pause

"Actually, we're both keep losing"fights" and is getting..."

"...scary?" she added

"Yeah!"

"Do you want to stop?" Kensi hugged her arms, with concern in her voice

"...fighting? or losing fights?" he replied continuing the riddle game

"you tell me!" she shot back, narrowing her eyes at him

"No, I don't..."

"You _don't_ what?" the demanding tone of her voice, gave away her anticipation

"I don't want to stop losing fights!" he admitted, making Kensi blush.

"agreed" she returned and flashed him a crooked smile

Before Deeks says anything else, Nell opened the door hesitantly, feeling that she had just been in the middle of something important

"Hey guys! I was looking for you; Eric wants both of you at the OPS, we've got a case" she said and let Kensi exit the room first. Deeks followed her, but before he made a few steps, Nell grabbed his arm and pulled him back in.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" she urged with a stern face

"what's up?" Deeks shot back unsuspectingly

"it seems Granger is looking for a new agent to join the team..."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**any reviews...?**


	4. Choosing Fate

**Thank you so much for your support, for your reviews, your follows/favs**. **You're amazing!**

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Nell was trying to warn Deeks about Granger's questionable motives; she was risking her career by giving away classified info; she was defying rules, work restrictions (even Granger himself) for Deeks. She owed him, somehow. She knew the truth about Afghanistan and she hadn't said a word. She was sharing the same responsibility with Hetty for keeping Kensi and Deeks in the dark. Maybe, that was her own way to seek redemption or maybe that was the only way to inform him -or better to prepare him - for the upcoming radical changes.  
Deeks, on the other hand, was completely clueless about what was really lying beneath Nell's warning! Ignorance is bliss for some people; but for Deeks, it was more like a curse!

* * *

"really?! a new agent?!" Deeks noted surprised

"you sound excited!" Nell shot back hesitantly

"I wouldn't say _excited_; _intrigued_ maybe. You know, a new recruit always adds a "fresh flair" to the team!" he returned playfully

"well..." Nell was ready to explain but Deeks cut her off

"Wait! is it Talia?"

"what?" Nell was totally confused

"Is Talia the new agent? I heard Granger talking about her, the other day!" he flashed a sly grin and continued  
"Wow!...things gonna be rough!" he implied raising an eyebrow at her

"DEEKS! It's Jack!" she snapped back sharply, giving an end to this pointless monologue

"what?!" he still couldn't understand what she was getting at

"it seems that our new recruit, is Jack!" she said with a steady voice

Deeks cleared his throat trying to remain calm.  
"you mean Jack, as..."

"as...Kensi's ex-fiancé!" she explained with her eyes wide open

At that very moment, Kensi stormed into the shooting range.  
"Deeks! you're still here?! we've got a case, what are you doing?" she urged curiously

"Yeah! I know...Um! well..." Deeks shifted his gaze and glanced sideways at Nell, making eye contact, as a signal to watch out.  
"I was giving her some specifics about um..." the last thing Deeks wanted right now, was to make up a reasonable excuse (how reasonable could he be, after what he had just heard!?)

"about?" Kensi shot back impatiently

"about...Monty!, she wants to keep my dog... Monty, for a week!" he said reluctantly

"Nell...really?! for a week!? I never thought you were a dog person!" Kensi noticed narrowing her eyes at Nell

"Neither did I!" she shot back really surprised "but I thought to give it a shot! You never know! maybe I'll get my own dog some day!" she said playfully, trying hard to be convincing

Kensi turned to Deeks and with a stern look she repeated the question  
"Eric needs us at the OPS, are you coming?"

"Yeah! um... could you give us a minute, it won't take long!"

''You want me to LEAVE?!" she realized with her eyes wide open

"I'll catch you later, If you don't mind! I mean, it's not that important! not worth staying! it's..."

"Monty... yeah! I know..." she cut him off and slummed the door behind her, giving him a last deadly look as she was leaving

"you are so toast!" Nell noted

"tell me about it!" he replied still looking at the closed door  
"Is it final?" he asked sharply, picking up their conversation where they had left off

"not that I'm aware of! But, you know Granger...! he's so unpredictable! and as long as Hetty is off the game, he's in charge here"

"Yeah, right...right!" he replied with concern and took a deep breath as a last ditch effort to gather his thoughts. Although, Nell's long pause didn't give him much of a choice, since her troubled face fore showed that there was more to this story than what had already been said.

"You know, you' re not an agent, right?" she stated meaningfully, looking directly at him

"What's that supposed to mean?" he replied annoyed

"what if Granger's looking for a replacement...?"

"for him!?"

"**for you!** Deeks, wake up!" she exploded  
"What if Jack is **your** replacement!, you're just a liaison, a cop! Granger could kick you out of here anytime, just like that!" and snapped her fingers as a wake up call

Deeks was like he had just come out of a coma, realizing finally the troubles that were lying ahead. He got the whole picture now and the idea of replacing Jack, was killing him. He took a vague, blank look, showing no signs of emotions; only his eyes could betray his pain. At this point, pain was the only feeling that was burning silently inside him. He was struggling to suppress that fire but there was no strength left.  
When it comes to fate and love, even the most well trained heart can be caught unprepared by the awkward twist of events.  
They say that we choose our own fate. In Deeks case, it seemed that his fate wasn't only determined by his own choices, but by Granger's too.  
Sooner or later, he had to deal with _these choices;_ he had to face Jack...  
Time was running against him - and if it wasn't already too late - he had to do something fast or else he had to deal with the consequences of not signing the papers earlier.

"Where's Jack now?" he urged

"I don't know... Why?" Nell was worried

"Is he still here?"

"No, he left! Deeks, this talk was between me and you, it's like never happened. Granger would kill me if he knew..."

"I know, don't worry. Whatever happens from now on... you can blame it all on me!" he noted, trying to reassure her and reached for the door

"what do you mean?" Nell didn't like the tone of his voice, he was hiding something

"Please, find me Jack!" he shot back and headed for the OPS

**MORE DENSI STORY COMING UP SOON...;)**


	5. Opposing Forces

**Thank you so much for your support, I really appreciate that!  
****Please let me know what you think of this chapter... :)**  


* * *

Back to Ops, Eric was briefing the team before the mission. Kensi was standing right behind Deeks, trying to pay attention, but his partner's nervous fidgeting of his hair was breaking her concentration. Deeks was trying to focus on his mission, but all he could do was to smile randomly and nod. Kensi noticed his strange behavior, she came closer and whispered to his ear.  
"_Monty_...? really? is that the best you can do? You know that you are a terrible, terrible, lier!" she urged with emphasis

Deeks was taken by surprise; he half turned and muttered with offensive tone  
"what?! me?! I would NEVER...!"

"save it!" she cut him off sharply "we're not done here!, you owe me an explanation!" she muttered really angry and pulled back

Deeks turned around, making a face, he knew he was in big trouble. Kensi wasn't the kind of a person you wanted to mess with. Moreover, she had already got wind of the fact that Deeks was lying and she wouldn't stop until she'd figured out what was going on. Deeks,on the other hand, needed to find Jack; until then he wasn't intended to say anything to her. He didn't want to open old wounds, or worse to fan old flames!

Callen turned to Kensi, giving them directions  
"You Kens, with Deeks check Rodriguez house and see what you can find out. He is our prime suspect since he had an affair with our victim, the couples therapist.  
Me and Sam are going to the crime scene"

"Speaking of couples...!" Deeks intervened "why don't you Sam go with Kens for a change; and I'll go with you!"

"WHAT!" Kensi and Sam shot back at the same time, completely stunned

"whaat?" Deeks repeated with a fake innocent look , staring at his partner who was furious!

"that's new!" Callen noticed with a flash of irony

"you want to switch partners?!" Sam looked at him suspiciously and asked him again  
"are you sure?"

"Yeah, Deeks... are you sure?" Kensi snapped back squinting her eyes at him

"Why not! I've never worked with Callen before!" he explained with a playful tone and continued "Just for this case, if this is OK with you!" he nodded giving Kensi a quick look

Kensi tilted her head to one side, frowned; she kept staring at his partner who had already lowered his eyes, being afraid that his look would betray the truth.  
She was hurt, angry, disappointed... How many feelings a fragile heart can bear?  
Her partner had chosen to avoid her, instead of trusting her. He'd preferred to lie than to open up!  
Callen and Sam seemed confused by Deeks behavior. They were exchanging nervous glances, unable to understand his intentions.

Kensi on the other hand, had to wait for this mission to finish. Until then, the least she could do, was to hide her disappointment with an ironic remark.  
"Don't worry about me, partner... I will survive!" and walked past him, shouldering him aside.

Although, their touch had only lasted for a second, she felt his tension pushing her away.  
Their bodies were like two poles emitted opposing forces, repelling one another; they'd lost their "balance" just with a slight touch; that easily!  
Everything they had been building for years, could easily be ruined within a second.  
Mistrust is always a threat that can destabilize a relationship from its foundation. Kensi knew that, but unfortunately, Deeks seemed to ignore it.  
He thought, changing partners could buy him time so that the encounter with her partner, would be postponed at least for one more day.

Sam and Callen didn't mind spliting up, as they knew that something fishy was going on; and the only way to find out was to partner up with Kensi and Deeks.

* * *

**AN HOUR LATER...**

Kensi holstered her gun under her shirt and headed for Sam's car. Sam was already waiting in the car with the engine running, she jumped in and slammed the door with force  
"easy tiger!" Sam noted

"sorry..." Kensi apologized and crossed her arms over her chest

"Don't you want to talk about it?" he was trying to make her feel comfortable

Kensi lowered her head an nod  
"Honestly, I wish there was something to talk about! He's avoiding me!" her voice broke

"Maybe, he's got a reason!"

"What reason might that be?, I'm his partner! I'm..." she held back thinning her lips.

"Maybe he needs time"

"What for? to trust me?!"

"Look, it's unlikely, even for Deeks, to react like this; give him time...he'll be back!"

"How?, he's got this look, as if he's lost or something..."

"Com' on Kens! I'm sure it's nothing!" he tried to reassure her

"No! I'm telling you! he's different, like something is driving him away; Ah...! We've always been back and forth! I'm so tired of this game!" she realized shaking her head with frustration

"we're still talking about work, right?" Sam narrowed his eyebrow at her having a sly grin

Kensi rolled her eyes showing her discomfort but Sam snapped back before she becomes too defensive  
"whatever the reason is, I'm sure you'll find a way to get him back..."

"Sam...! Just drive OK!" she urged sharply, nodding at him...

* * *

During the mission, things weren't running as smoothly as Deeks expected. Callen wasn't exactly the guy you wanna hung out with, he was very professional, by-the-book agent. That's why Deeks was trying to be at the top of his game; but his confused mind was messing up his judgment. It was one of his worst days at work so far; he'd been acting weird; he was nervous and distracted. He almost got them killed, and it wasn't because they had got in a firefight with gang members or they had triggered a booby trap; but because of his reckless driving! His behavior was unprofessional, and that was the last he wanted!  
The day had finally ended and the case was closed. Obviously, his idea to partner up with Callen was really bad. Callen assumed that Deeks' weird behavior was because of being away from his partner, but the reason why he'd chosen to do that, was a mystery still remained unsolved.

**Back to the bullpen...**

Callen and Deeks walked together into the bullpen heading for Kensi who was at her desk finishing up paperwork.  
"Next time...I'm driving! No...No, let me rephrase that; It won't be next time! Your partner is all yours Kens, and for your own sake, don't let him drive, not until he clears up his head!"

Kensi was staring at Callen with her mouth slightly ajar trying to figure out what he was talking about  
"what happened?"

Deeks threw Kensi's car keys on her desk and shrugged with a wry grin on his face

"Callen! what happened?" Kensi asked again curiously

"lets say...I'm not suffering from a death wish, so I don't intend to end up dead by his driving skills!" Callen reasoned and sat beside her

"Is my car OK... Deeks!?" she shot back with concern

"Yeah! It's fine, don't worry, not a scratch" he replied making a face "Um... is Nell still here?" he continued giving her a quick look

Kensi took a long breath, trying to restrain her anger for Deeks bringing up Nell's name again.  
"Let me buy you a beer, it's been a long day!" she seized the chance, as Deeks seemed too tired -or disappointed- to fight back

"you two need to talk" Callen urged, raising one eyebrow at him, meaningfully

Deeks didn't have another choice but to accept her invitation... He knew, he couldn't hide from her for ever.


	6. Partners come and go

**Brace yourselves, we're in for a bumpy ride... ;)**

**T** **rated (just in case)**  
_(forgive me, if there are any (or many!) mistakes, it's been a tough week!)_

* * *

___**Trust**_... **a word so small, so fragile... hardly gained - easily lost (****_and sometimes never restored!_****)**

Kensi climbed in the driver's seat of her car waiting for Deeks. After a while, Deeks showed up, he opened the passenger door and jumped in. He readjusted his body trying to feel comfortable and as he was staring out the front window, he asked her with a playful tone.  
"which bar...?"

She started the engine, looking at him with a half smile spread across her face. She preferred to remain silent, letting her look give away her intentions...  
She backed her car out of the parking lot, revved up the engine and drove off. The car accelerated as it merged onto the highway. Kensi stepped on the gas, like she wanted to escape from that place, that city, as quickly as possible. She wanted to be alone with Deeks, free from attachments, away from distractions!

Deeks was gazing outside the window not saying a word; his mind drifted away from traffic and came to Jack. The thought of Jack replacing him, was like an inner wound bleeding quietly, killing him slowly. He couldn't stand the idea of letting him threaten his relationship with Kensi and jeopardize its fate!

What was he waiting all these years for? Why didn't he sign the papers sooner? These two questions were whirling around his head like a spiral maze, creating an optical illusion of Kensi and Jack together; working side by side, hanging out, falling in love... (the last image always made him dizzy). With an instinctive shake of his head he made the torturous daydream disappear; he took a deep breath to manage his thoughts and leaned his head back.

Kensi felt his anxiety and turned her eyes at him hoping that he'd respond; but at her disappointment, Deeks remained aloof, kept staring out the window. She dropped her eyes back to the road, and without a second thought, she cut the wheel and went off the highway taking the first Exit she saw. She had chosen a road with no destination, no direction. Just like their relationship; they'd been on the same track for many years, going round in circles. It was time to find a shortcut, before the fuels run out...

Deeks had figured out that the sudden change of course was pro-planned, as Kensi was steadily slowing down; until she finally pulled over, turned the engine off and activated the central locking...

"Waow! Is it me, or we've just skipped the drinks-part!" he teased her

"what?"

"Are you trying to seduce me, Fern?" he continued

"Deeks...!" she looked at him sternly

"actually, most women who tried to seduce me..."

"...they were hopelessly drunk!" she cut him off  
"I'm not drunk or hopeless either so... Do the math!" she reasoned staring out the window

"OK... What's this all about?" Deeks got serious, pretending that he didn't have a clue

Kensi half turned, adjusting her left arm on the steering wheel, looking directly at him  
"WHAT'S THIS ALL ABOUT?!"  
"I'll tell you what is all about... It's about TRUST!" her face darkened in anger

"You... you don't trust me?" he stuttered out

"NO! YOU don't trust ME!" she exploded

"Kens, you know this is not true" he tried to reassure her ineffectively

"OK! For starters, you' re avoiding me, you're telling me lies, you're using Nell to cover your ass -God knows why!- and you're choosing Callen over me! how's that for trust?" her voice was dripping with irony and bitterness

That long list of mistakes and bad choices made Deeks feel a little uncomfortable.  
"Kens, I...I know I've been acting weird lately..."

"_acting, pretending... HIDING, _you name it!" she shot back sharply

Deeks locked his gaze on her, for the first time since they'd gotten in the car. He kept staring at her unable to say a word. For a moment, he wished his eyes could tell the truth; he wished silence could verbalize or even picture his strong feelings that he was baring for her. He was desperately looking for the courage that would finally turn him from a partner into a lover...

"OK, Kens!" he exhaled slowly trying to relax  
"The truth is that I don't wanna lose you!" he replied in utter honesty

Kensi squinted her eyes suspiciously  
"...lose me how?"

"and I'm not talking about work, not anymore!" he shook her head in denial and continued before he lost his grip.  
"partners will always come and go so..."

"_come and go_?! Deeks, what's going on?!" Kensi shot back, seemingly concerned

"I don't wanna lose YOU... lose everything you are... ALL of you!" he ended the phrase with a shy of relief

"Deeks is everything OK?, you sound...!"

"different?" he added

"Um... Yeah!"

Kensi was literally confused by Deeks' weird behavior which had raised various mixed feelings. She didn't know weather to be happy or worried by his unexpected confession. Deeks was different as this was the first time, he'd let his heart take over. Finally, the _well-trained muscle_ was allowed to take control, to be exposed and reveal its hidden feelings.

"is it about Jack again? cause I've already told you I'm not..." Kensi's face softened

"Granger wants him in NCIS!" he shot back, lowering his gaze

"Granger wants Jack?! No...!" she shook slowly her head in disbelief

"He asked him to join the team!" Deeks urged

"Did he say _yes_ ?" her anticipation was so obvious that made his blood boil

"Not yet! Disappointed...?!" he returned sharply, flashing a wry little smile at her

"Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Mr Deeks?" she teased

"Me! jealous?! Why would I be jealous? Besides, I won't be around to watch!" he implied with irony.

"why not? are you afraid of a little competition?" Kensi continued teasing

"I don't know Fern, maybe it's because your ex-fiancé will be partnering up with you, while I'll be packing up my things! Since I'm just a liaison, Granger can cut their ties with LAPD whenever he wants! Jack was a CIA operative and I'm just a cop so... do the math!" he reasoned with a touch of sarcasm in his voice, tilting his head slightly to one side.

Kensi's blank gaze wandered over Deeks' face and landed on the front window, lowering her head and leaving the silence to cover her dismay for a while.  
"_partners come and go_...ah?" she muttered as a sob threatened to choke off her voice.  
Her eyes were closed, restraining a tear from sliding down her cheek. On impulse, Deeks lifted her chin slowly with his fingers, forcing her slightly to meet his gaze and kissed her gently on the lips. Kensi was too vulnerable to resist; she slipped her arms around his neck and let her body rested on his, as their lips never parted. That bold, impulsive moment had finally defined who they really were; two people in love who were facing their fears and breaking down the walls, unable to stay apart...

After a while, Kensi pulled back, leaving a small gab between them. She opened her eyes and ran her fingers through his shaggy blond hair.  
"it must be a way..." she muttered

"Well, about that. Actually, there is..." he held back

Kensi narrowed her eyes at him  
"Really?"

Deeks pulled back a little more,  
" three years ago, Um... Hetty gave me some papers, asking me to resign from LAPD and join NCIS!"

"WHAT! and you didn't...sign them?!"  
"Deeks! what were you thinking?!" Kensi was so frustrated that she couldn't resist herself of showing her abusive nature. He punched him in his arm, making him groan in pain.

"Ah! God!...easy there!" he held his breath in an effort to restrain the pain and continued  
"I don't know, it seemed right, at that time!"

"Deeks... it's been three years since then!" her frustration instantly turned into disappointment as she realized that all this time, Deeks was deliberately avoiding signing those papers. The truth about Deeks was that he didn't really like stability, he used to keep one foot out the door, just in case. Probably, he was waiting for the right "reason" to make him change his mind; or he was just so stubbornly confident to believe that no one could compromise his liaison with NCIS!

"Kens, all my life, I've been dreaming to become a cop" Deeks reasoned

"Deeks...you were a lawyer!" she replied, raising an eyebrow

"true!" he admitted "but then I realized that I wanted to..."

"You know what...! Just leave it OK!, If you wanted to join NCIS permanently, you would have done it!" she urged furiously and started up the engine

"Kens! try to understand! I wanted to keep it that way, in case..." Deeks held back

"...in case things didn't work out between you and the team?" she added

"No! between us! I wanted to be sure that we can work _this thing_ out. It was my only back up!"

"Too bad Deeks! cause I thought **I** was your back up!" she shot back, and revved the car, ready to go

"Com' on Kens, wait...!" he urged and reached her hand, giving her a pleading look;  
"turn off the car, we're not done yet...!" he didn't want this night to end so unexpectedly... not like that

Kensi turned the engine off, giving him a second chance; she looked down and said  
"Deeks, the truth is; hadn't been for Jack, we wouldn't be talking about those damn papers right now! you would have kept your position as it is and me in the dark!"

"Damn it Kens! Why is it so hard for you to understand ?!" he cried out in despair, looking directly at her  
"Why are you so afraid to see...?"

"to see what?!" she raised her head and locked her eyes with him

"that I love you! I was trying to deal with this feeling, I still am..."

By the time Deeks confided his feelings to her, he knew that there was no turning back. His whole body was paralyzed, by the bold confession. He took his gaze from her and leaned back, trying to regain his strength. All Kensi could do was stare speechless. The last time she heard that word, it was a long time ago. It was from the man who left her without an excuse, giving an unforeseen end to their common future. That man had returned to haunt and threaten her future once again. Although, this time things were different, since Kensi was in love with the man whom Jack was about to replace. This time was determined to confront him, as she had all the strength she wanted to fight back. Her strength was Deeks' love and it was the only thing she needed.

A long pause followed, making Kensi anxious; she had to say something, she needed to respond somehow. Admitting her feelings for him would be the most predictable thing to do, but she wasn't that conventional! She started the engine and turned the car around. They spent the whole ride without saying a word, as neither of them knew how to break this awkward silence. Deeks staring out the window, avoiding any eye contact. He was really embarrassed as he took her silent respond the wrong way. He wanted to get out of the car soon as possible. He was so desperate, that even the idea of Jack replacing him seemed very tempting.

It was past midnight when Kensi pulled over in front of Deeks' apartment; the two moving silhouettes inside the SRX was the only proof of life in that remote road. Deeks shied in relief as he was finally free to get out of that car which seemed, for the past two hours, more like a prison.

"Um.. goodnight and thank you for the ride, it was...revealing..." Deeks said reluctantly and jumped out of the car, slamming the door

Kensi leaned her head back biting her lips in frustration, she was mad at herself for being so coward! She was letting him go without a word, just like that...! On an impulse, she turned the engine off, opened the door and got out. She hastened her pace as Deeks had just opened the door of his apartment. She grabbed his hand and pressed her body against his, giving him a long, passionate kiss. After a while, Deeks pulled his head back with a troubled gaze wandering over her face. Kensi pulled him inside without hesitation and muttered  
"like you said..._we're not done yet!" _closing the door behind her...

* * *

**It seamed, the two partners had finally reached their destination, letting the night take the lead... **

**thank you for reading ;)**


	7. Making up excuses

**"**_**morning! shouldn't you be signing those papers already...!?"**_

A note next to him was the only hint of evidence from last night Kensi's presence.  
Deeks woke up and stretched his arm out, seeking her warmth, finding nothing but the cold cover of the mattress. He hoped she would be there, still lying next to him; but obviously she had left before dawn, before he woke up. She wasn't ready to face him in the morning...not yet. _Nights_ have always been an easier place for her to hide, _they_ don't look for reasons, _they_ don't need rational explanations; _they_ are fueled by impulsive behaviors and ignited by passion. Kensi was the kind of person who felt free only when the night grew darker, fading out her defenses. She became bolder in the dark where words are redundant, as feelings can be easily conveyed even with a simple touch. Things are different by day, as everything is clear. In the morning light, you remember, you ask, you claim, you demand... Apparently, Kensi wasn't ready to be "exposed" to those "words" at least, not yet.

He took the note, forcing his eyes to open wide and read it  
"easier said than done...!" she muttered taking one last glance at her empty side

He slid down the edge of the bed adjusting his shaggy hair and thinking about the conversation they had the previous night. Their talk seemed more like a battle... who won? no one knew. Though the one sided love-confession had left him with a taste of defeat. Kensi wasn't an enemy, still she was acting like one. She was an ally in disguise modifying her intentions in order to conceal her true feelings; she was hiding behind this defensive, uncooperative attitude, fighting against her own will to take chances and trust her feelings. Eventually, Deeks' truth had touched her heart; the only thing left to see was Kensi's reaction to this touch!

Suddenly, a short beep coming from his cell phone, hindered his thinking.  
It was a text massage from Nell, _"Got a case!"_ and continued with the following address _"_Motel_ La Siesta"..._

"Jack!" he shouted impatiently and jumped out of bed to get dressed

* * *

**Back to OPS...**

Eric and Nell were briefing the team about an explosion that took place at the marina 5 hours ago. Kensi couldn't stop thinking about their night, reliving every single moment of it. She hardly managed to hear half of what the two mind geniuses said about the case. Her mind drifted off to last-night talk, unable to stop her memory from repeating Deeks' phrase over and over again: "_I love you_...". She was so lost in thought that she didn't even notice that Deeks had already entered the Ops and had stood right beside her!

"Thinking of me..." he teased her with a sly grin

"You're late! where have you been?" Kensi noted, hugging her arms

"... where you left me!" he replied with utter honesty, making Kensi blush

"can you just sash!" she muttered staring at him, wide-eyed

"Mr Deeks, finally you've decided to join us!" Granger just showed up wiping the smile off Deeks' face

"Um... well, you know me...!"

"actually I do but it's not suffice...! if I were you I would be more professional...!" Granger returned with a hint of irony

"you mean more _punctual...!?" _he shot back boldly

"this is not LAPD... You must know that my patience has its limits..."

"is this a threat...?" Deeks shot back suspiciously

"let's say, there's a long list of a very capable potential recruits who would kill for that job!"

"Wow! are they really capable or just... hopeless?" he replied with a sarcastic tone in his voice

"Deeks!, cut it out!" Kensi whispered and elbowed him in the ribs to make him stop

Granger stopped the argument before it got heated. His last sentence was enough to raise serious doubts about his motives towards Deeks. He nodded at Eric to come with him and exited the Ops. An uncomfortable silence surrounded them, before Callen turned to Kensi giving the last directions.

"you two, go and check Ernesto; his car was stolen last night and a few hours later, they used it to detonate the bomb at the marina, he might know something!" Kensi nodded at him and stormed out of the Ops without a word

then Callen turned to Deeks with a smirk on his face "Is your partner OK?, she's a little off, today!"

"off?! No! she's fine!" he replied with a reassuring tone and walked out of the room before Callen said anything else

Deeks headed to the parking lot where Kensi was waiting in the car. He climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine without saying anything. Kensi couldn't stand this silence any longer...

"have you lost your mind?"!" she burst out

Deeks was confused by her unexpected reaction  
"what did I do?" he shot back surprised

"what's up with you? you're acting like..." she held back

"like...?" Deeks asked squinting his eyes

"you're stupid and reckless! provoking Granger, makes you an easy target, now you're on his radar, and above all, you're acting like you wanna be?"

"Kens, I don't have any other choice, do I...?"

"You do! Deeks, sign the papers!"

"What makes you think that Granger wants me in the team, you saw him!"

"why wouldn't he?" Kensi shot back

"I don't know! for him I'm just a cop, a dispensable asset..."

"Maybe, but Hetty doesn't share his opinions, she offered you the opportunity to join the team permanently and you turned it down!"

"I didn't turn it down, I just needed more time to think this through!"

"It's been three years since then, stop making up excuses to avoid the whole thing and sign the god damn papers!"

He didn't like the sound of that  
"_making up excuses!? _What do you mean Kens? that my feelings are a made-up excuse?" Deeks was furious

"No, I'm not saying that...!" Kensi had realized her mistake, but it was too late to apologize, the damage had been done

"You know what! if Granger wants me gone, so be it!" he exploded

"Really, you're giving up that easily...?!"

"I don't know Kens, I guess, I must've run out of _excuses_!" he shrugged with an ironic smirk on his face

Kensi was trying hard to restrain herself, but it seemed impossible!  
"Deeks there's no time! You've been avoiding this decision for many years, but unfortunately the moment has come and it's got a name... Jack!" her words were like throwing little blades tearing his heart apart.

Deeks looked at her sternly avoiding to say anything. On the other hand, Kensi knew that if she kept talking, the damage would be irreversible; she had to do something to stop this"bleeding". After a long pause, she leaned her head back and said  
"Wow! our first fight...!" she chuckled

"It's not our first fi...!" he held back  
"Wh...What do you mean...?" he stuttered out, narrowing his eyes

Kensi tilted her head to one side, with a sly grin on her face  
"What do you think?"

"Kens...?" he urged

She leaned sideways and kissed him softly on the lips, resting her left arm on his shoulder.  
Kensi's lips were both her weakness and her strength. _They_ had the contradictory power to destroy Deeks' heart with _their_ corrosive words, and after a while they were able to transform this ruined "place" into heaven with a simple kiss.

* * *

**11 hours later...**

After a long, rough day the team had managed to finish up the case. They were hanging out at the bullpen before they called it a day.

"Buy you a beer, Deeks?!" Sam offered

"actually I can't...I got something to take care of...!" Deeks replied and stood up

"_take care of_...? it sounds like a date...!" Callen teased

Deeks looked at Kensi shaking his head repeatedly  
"No, no! not a date...! Um... it's more like a minor technicality...!" he noted and wore his bag across his body

"Still, it sounds like a date to me...!" Sam shot back making Kensi's blood boil

"Goodnight, guys" he replied with a mischievous smile and walked away

"You're leaving just like that?" Kensi asked him spontaneously, realizing afterwards what she had done. She was so driven by the urge to find out what was lying under his weird behavior, that she forgot the other two partners who had already started exchanging suspicious glances at each other.

Deeks tried to act aloof concealing his shock  
"gotta go, sorry!" he snapped back and left

Kensi, was stunned into silence; she stood up and picked up her things, ready to leave. Sam once again, broke the awkward silence.

"What about you Kens... buy you a beer?!"

"Um... you know what, maybe another time; It's late and I'm tired, Um... Actually, I didn't sleep last night so I should better get going!"

"you didn't sleep...?!" Callen cut her off raising an eyebrow at her

"Nightmares! I had terrible nightmares...!" she reasoned with emphasis and walked out of the bullpen hastily, hoping to catch up with Deeks. Much to her disappointment, his car was missing; she tried to reach him on the cell but he had turned it off. Kensi began to worry, but there wasn't much she could do...

Meanwhile, Callen and Sam, were left at the bullpen wondering about Kensi's strange behavior.

"What was that?" Callen asked with his mouth slightly open in surprise...

Sam shrugged his shoulders  
"I don't know..." and flashed him a wry grin

"What's gotten into her? she's weird...!" Callen noted

Sam leaned back in his chair and shied  
"She's not weird partner, she's in love...!"

* * *

**Thank YOU for reading ;)**


	8. Lost and Found

**THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR FOLLOWS/FAVS BUT MOSTLY FOR SPENDING TIME TO READ MY STORY AND REVIEW! ;)**

* * *

**02 d : 03 h : 11 m : 45 s **(and counting...)

**[Motel La Siesta]**

Nell's massage led Deeks to a remote motel, 32 miles south from Los Angeles. It seemed that was strategically chosen as it was located, close to an abandoned air force base and a small port. Jack had many options in case he wanted to escape; he didn't trust anyone, mostly Granger.

Deeks got out of the car and walked towards the entrance, taking a quick look around. Entering the lobby there was no one at the front desk; he looked closer at the key rack; only one key was missing...

"_B 37_...!" he muttered fidgeting his hair nervously and moved on

In a few seconds he was standing outside Jack's room. He knocked on the door twice, seeking to find out who was finally behind it, a foe, an ally or the white ghost...?

"_come in!" _a male voice sounded from inside

Deeks opened the door without hesitation and saw Jack standing at the window.

"You're late!" Jack noted gazing outside

Deeks froze "I didn't know you've been expecting me!"

"Of course! Nell called me..."

"Nell! you know her?" Deeks asked him with his eyes wide open

"Well, I didn't know her four hours ago! Take a seat!" Jack shifted his gaze away from the window and focused on Deeks, for the first time since he'd entered the room

Deeks sat slowly on a chair having a wary expression on his face  
"and you trust her, just like that?!"

"I trust whoever Hetty trusts!" Jack noted with confidence

"Hetty is behind this?!"

"Isn't she always?"

"she's in Washington!" Deeks added

"distance never stopped Hetty from doing her job!"

"you know Hetty?" Deeks shot back suspiciously

"we were friends... we still are!" Jack held back

Deeks cleared his throat amazed at the new revelations  
"Um... what's going on!?"

"I know you came here for answers, but first, let's start with the right questions!" Jack replied with a sly grin

Deeks looked down for a minute  
"are you a threat...?"

Jack chuckled "for you?"

"are you a threat?" he repeated the question louder, concealing his agitation

"I've seen how she looks at you... and believe me, I know that look!" Jack implied

"Granger is recruiting you...!" Deeks instantly changed the subject, he wouldn't let Jack manipulate the conversation

"Granger is wasting my time! I should never have trusted him in the first place" he argued as he pulled away from the window

"Don't you want to join NCIS!?" Deeks asked him impatiently

"I was a former marine, then a CIA agent... I've been down that road before and I know what is like. I converted to Islam finding finally peace inside, I don't have any interest in war or violence. We all take sides, we choose paths, as in my case, I followed my heart! It's been 6 years since my wife died and still nothing about it makes any sense. I lost her because of this irrational war, I don't intent to become part of this madness! All I want is to protect my family and my people"

"Granger offered you a safe house in US and still, you insist on going back!" Deeks added in surprise

"Of course I want to go back, this is where I belong! Besides, If Granger wanted to help me he would've already done it!" Jack's face suddenly darkened

"what do you mean...?"

"That he's been deliberately stalling me from the very beginning. He doesn't want to help me, he wants to trade me...!"

"for who...?" Deeks seemed confused

"or for what..." Jack added and continued after a second  
"I wish I knew what he's up to..."

"I thought Granger was willing to help you..." Deeks noted

"For his own benefit!" Jack cut him off and got closer  
"It's the nature of this job. Don't trust anyone! The closer you are to someone, the less you actually see... The person that is watching your back now, it might be stubbing it tomorrow..."

Deeks was staring at him suspiciously. He was trying to identify his intentions. Was he telling the truth or he was just playing with him?  
"I have faith in my partner" he returned in confidence

"Always watch your back! Don't be a _fool_, or better yet, don't be _blind_!"

Deeks chuckled, trying to block every disturbing thought, emerged by Jack's mind-tricks  
"They called you the white ghost!" he urged

"Do I look like a ghost?" Jack shot back raising an eyebrow

"you sound like it!"

Jack was slowly pacing up and down the room with his arms crossed  
"You know, some people create myths, legends, heroes...notorious villains and they use awe and fear to keep them alive. CIA use the same means to get what they want. I'm a fabricated threat that must be eliminated. Even if I gave them what they want, they would kill me."

"so...are you planning to escape?" Deeks asked him with concern

"I don't intend to stay here waiting for my execution. I thought I could count on Granger but I was wrong..."

Deeks narrowed his eyes  
"...and what makes you think that you can count on me?"

"Let's face it! Even If I wanted to join NCIS, there is no room for both of us. It's gonna be either you or me. With me gone, things are getting easier for you. Besides, you don't want me anywhere near her, do you? " Jack's last argument was strong enough to persuade him...

* * *

**01 d : 22 h : 00 m : 12 s **

**[Deeks' ****apartment]**

Deeks entered his apartment exhausted and seemingly troubled about the days that lay ahead...

_"minor technicality! is that what you call it at 6:00 AM in the morning?" _a familiar voice coming from the kitchen, broke the silence

"Jesus, Kens! You scared the hell out of me! how did you get in here?" Deeks shouted with his eyes wide open in surprise

Kensi came slowly out of the kitchen with her hands rested on her hips  
"No,no! I'm the one who makes questions,here!" she cut him off sharply and grabbed his arm pulling him on the couch  
"Where the hell have you been?" she asked with her brow furrowed sitting next to him

Deeks lowered his gaze but before he said anything Kensi added  
"and don't you dare lie to me... your phone is off and you were gone for five hours. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!"  
Anger always made Kensi look deadly and desirable at the same time; a combination that's hard to resist.

Deeks half smiled and said  
"You're gonna get your answers soon, just not today!"

"and why not?" Kensi frowned looking at Deeks whose eyes avoided hers…

"be patient, Kanselina!" he shied

"I'm your partner Deeks; Why don't you want me to be part of it, whatever this is?" she said with a pleading look

Deeks' gaze fixed on Kensi  
"Like it or not, you are the main part of it!"

"and what is that supposed to mean?" she stopped for a second, thinning her lips, trying to suppress her rage.  
"What's going on, Deeks? We're partners, we're supposed to share!"

"Oh! com'on Kens, you don't really mean that, do you? All I do is give and share but in return you're always coming back for more !"

Kensi shook her head in disappointment  
"Damn it Deeks! How can you be so _fool_ and _blind_!" she stood up and reached for the door

"get in line..." he muttered as he cupped his chin with his palm

"It's your call, Deeks. If you want me to stay out of this, I will. But, what if things turn ugly? Who's gonna back you up then, Uh?" she urged

As much as Deeks wanted to avoid her gaze, his eyes finally met hers, before she left.  
"I'll take my chances" he nodded with a faint shrug

"Don't do anything stupid" she warned him and slammed the door

"Too late for that!" he returned sharply and kicked the coffee table with force

* * *

**00 d : 10 h : 05 m : 32**** s**

**[OPS center]**

No one was at the office as the team had the day off, except for Nell. She was up in OPS, in front of the large screen, watching a video footage from an outdoor security camera...  
Suddenly, Deeks walked in, holding a file.

"What's up Nell!"

"Deeks! what are you doing here? I thought you surf on Saturdays..." Nell sounded surprised

"Not today...!" Deeks shot back with a troubled look  
"are you working on...?" he paused for a moment squinting his eyes confused "what exactly are you working on...?

"Um... nothing really" she hastily shut the monitor down "just some old videos.."

"Hmm...!" Deeks nodded absently, as his attention was absorbed by the screen.

"what's this?"

"Well, obviously it's a file and Um... I want you to keep it!" he handed her the file

"OK...!" she looked at him puzzled  
"What am I gonna do with it?"

"When the right time comes you'll know...!" Deeks tilted his head with a faint smile

"...and if it doesn't?" she shot back

"then...burn it!"

"Is this about...?" Nell held back

"Where's Granger?"

"He is in on the way to motel..."

Deeks seemed shaken as he asked  
"the one where I was last night?"

"Is there any other?

"WHY?"

"Probably he wanted to pay a visit to _our_ friend" Nell noticed lifting an eyebrow

"that's not good, not good at all!" he noted as he moved around anxiously  
"when did he leave?"

"about an hour ago!"

"Damn it! he muttered  
"Keep your eye on this" he urged and rushed out of the Ops

Nell looked at the file curiously. As she opened it, a chuckle escaped her lips, before it wiped off again  
"Oh! No...!" she whispered in fear and turned the screen on ...

* * *

**01 d : 09 h : 05 m : 32**** s **(still counting...)

**THANK U FOR READING :)**


	9. What If

**00 d : 01 h : 25 m : 02 s**

**[Kensi's apartment]**

At 3:00 AM in the morning, Kensi's phone chimed.

_"Kensi, sorry for the wake-up call..."_

"It's OK Eric, I wasn't sleeping anyway. Case?"

_"I'm afraid so..! Um... they want you at the boatshed, ASAP!" _

"wait! aren't you gonna brief us first?" she asked him puzzled

_"no need!" _and hang up

"That was weird, even for Eric...!" she muttered suspiciously and got out of the bed.

A few minutes later she was on the way to the boatshed. Her brain was so fuzzy that she could hardly drive. She had a bad feeling about this as she'd tried to reach Deeks on the phone numerous times, unsuccessfully. "_Gone surfing, call me later!_" that voice massage was always driving her insane. As she pulled into the parking space, she remembered Deeks' unexplained disappearance the previous night and a shiver ran through her body...

_"it'd better not be Deeks!" _it struck her, but she pushed the thought aside violently, fearing that if she kept it longer it might become real

* * *

**00 d : 41 h : 20 m : 46 s**

**[Boat shed]**

Kensi entered the main room, it was so quiet that she could easily hear her heart pounding. Suddenly, a cracking sound from the interrogation's room door pierced the silence. A petite, familiar figure appeared out of nowhere...

"Hetty! You're back! At last!" Kensi hugged her with relief "How were things in Washington?"

"Better than here...!" Hetty shot back with a troubled look

"What do you mean?"

"Well, under different circumstances I would be very happy to see you too, but..." she stopped and lowered her gaze

"what do you mean...!" she chuckled "what kind of circumstances are you talking about?" Kensi squinted her eyes as she started to get worried

"the kind that demand to be self-composed, determined, objective, in other words an agent Miss Blye..." she reasoned and turn the monitor on

Kensi looked at the screen in stunned silence. Her partner was sitting in the interrogation room handcuffed...

"Deeks!, is he in custody? Why?" she shouted almost in despair and walked towards the interrogation room

"NOT SO FAST" Hetty's voice froze her, making her step back  
"Please sit..." she asked her politely

Kensi obeyed unwillingly, as Hetty stood in front of her with her hands crossed  
"It appears that Mr Deeks was involved in a crime that took place in Jack's apartment, last night"

"Jack's apartment...?! Wh...what was he doing there?" she stuttered out

Hetty continued with steady voice "Thanks to Deeks, the victim was taken promptly to the hospital after the incident. He's sedated but stable, once he wakes up we'll be able to know exactly what happened."

"_thanks to Deeks?... _Isn't he the prime suspect?" Kensi was confused

"No! Jack is!" Hetty answered instantly

"Then, who's the victim?"

"Granger! The past few weeks his actions had raised doubts about whether he wanted to keep his position as assistant director or to get a promotion...!" Hetty said meaningfully and continued  
"As it looks, he had a hidden agenda and Jack was on the top of his priority list! Things didn't go according to his plan as they had an argument last night, and the situation got out of hand..."

"Then why is Deeks wearing handcuffs? What does he have to do with all this mess?"

"Deeks was the one who found Granger unconscious, he was at the crime scene. Jack is missing...and we believe Mr Deeks was involved in his disappearance. We had to bring him in, before CIA and LAPD come after him. There are many missing peaces of this puzzle that left to be found and we have to use every asset we have in order to help the investigation go further..." Hetty held back, waiting for her response

"You want me to question him?!" Kensi's voice broke  
A sense of desperation overwhelmed her; the feeling was so strong that every rational thought inside her mind vanished. Hetty's order looked like a cruel game, a farce based on the tragic turn of events, ready to be played by the two partners who were compelled to become enemies, taking opposites sides..

Hetty continued persistently  
"Miss Blye, Sam and Callen are at the crime scene looking for evidence; trying to find anything that we could use to free your partner. Granger is in no condition to assist our investigations, at least not for now. And above all, you are the only person who Deeks trusts the most..."

Kensi looked at Hetty with anger and fear crossing her face  
"Exactly! I'm his partner, I'm supposed to be sitting beside him, not against him!" she shot back furiously

Hetty continued with a softer voice this time, trying to calm her down  
"We have an agent down, our prime suspect fled to avoid arrest and Deeks is the only solid "evidence" we got!"

"Hetty, is Deeks we're talking about; This is too damn personal for me!"

Her resistance begun to annoy Hetty  
"Isn't it for all of us?! Time is of the essence. In a few hours CIA and LAPD will be all over him, we have to find out first what happened. Besides it's our case too. If you want to help him, you have to sit in that chair and do your job" she urged with steady eyes.

Kensi for the first time felt hatred of something that actually loved; her job! She didn't want to ask or to argue, she wanted to comfort; to support; to apologize for not being there for him. She didn't want to seek the truth or fight for it... she wanted to get him free, at all costs. She didn't need answers... cause she already knew that if it weren't for her, Deeks wouldn't be in that room.

Kensi didn't have any other choice but to obey. Before she entered the interrogation room she turned to Hetty for one last time and asked her hesitantly  
"What if he's guilty?"

Hetty replied with a faint grin  
"...and what if he's not? wouldn't you want to be the first to know?!"

**TO BE CONTINUED ? ****what do you think?**

* * *

******00 d : 00 h : 02 m : 02 s**


	10. Time Zero

**00 d : 00 h : 00 s**

* * *

**It was as if, _feelings_, _trust_, _fate_ and _time_ had resulted altogether in one single moment; when the two partners ended up in the same room, taking different sides. A table between them defined their roles and widened their gap, ****like an imaginary **line drawn between heart and mind. Once again, **Hetty was a viewer of her own play, seizing ****every opportunity raised by fate's twisted game to **test them; **challenging their limits to see how far they can go.**  


* * *

**[interrogation room]**

Kensi entered the room with a worry look wondering over Deeks' face; just the sight of him handcuffed, made her heart weak and the task unbearable. She leaned back against the door for a moment with her arms crossed over her chest. In only a few seconds, an indescribable series of expressions passed across her face ending in a wry remark.  
"There's something wrong with this picture..."

Deeks looked at his handcuffs  
"I know... the room! This "outfit" would be more appropriate... for a bedroom...!" he replied playfully.

"Really, Deeks?" she nodded as she grabbed the chair and sat opposite to him

"this is a little weird..."

"you think?" she glanced up and locked eyes with him almost automatically

"So... Agent Blye, show me what you got!" he continued teasing

"Deeks, this is not a game..."

"I know!"

"Then, stop playing around!" she replied sternly

Deeks sat back trying to ease his tension. He was worried but he hid it well; besides, at this point, fear couldn't do any good. On the other hand, making jokes was the only thing he knew better; a defensive reaction to get through situations like these.  
"I'm not playing Kens! I told you that you're gonna get your answers...!"

"Yeah!, but not here, not like this..." she cut him off

"What's the difference! you're still _the one who makes questions..._ right?"

"Do you have any idea, what you've got yourself into?" she exploded "your career; you whole life is at stake! Everything that you ever wished for can be vanished behind bars...!"

"_everything that I ever wished for_ is secure..." he implied raising an eyebrow at her

"you should have told me..." she sighed, shaking her head in regret

"If I did, you would end up sitting next to me!"

"At least, we'd be on the same side!" she returned angrily

Deeks tilted his head, watching her in silence; He could tell, by the look on her face that she wasn't willing to begin this _painful_ procedure.

"time is over Kens..." he urged her to start

Kensi lowered her eyes to hide her frustration. All her senses were guided uncontrollably by the fear of losing him. The possibility of leaving the room without him, was driving her crazy. She was trapped in this surreal situation unable to escape... Time was running fast and she had to do what she was told; Hetty was waiting for answers, expected her to rise above her feelings and do her job.  
"When was the last time you saw the suspect?"

"You mean, Jack?"

she raised her gaze and looked into his eyes intensely  
"Yeah...Jack..."

"about two days ago, I went to his apartment!" he replied

"what for?"

"curiosity..."

"_curiosity_?" she narrowed her eyes in disbelief

"It's my job, you know! I get paid, to be curious!"

"Curiosity killed the cat Deeks!"

he chuckled, "Yeah! but not me!"

"Maybe, but _it_ can put you in jail!" she kept staring at him waiting patiently for a clear answer

"OK..." Deeks, cleared his throat  
"I was trying to find out what Jack was up to. He didn't come here for vacation you know..."

"and what did you find out...?"

"Jack didn't plan to join NCIS. He came here believing that Granger would help him to sort things out with CIA. All he wanted was to stop hiding. He wanted to be sure that If he went back in Afghanistan he would live free, without having snipers behind his back; waiting for the perfect shot!"

Although, the implication was as obvious as it was annoying, Kensi preferred to ignore it.  
"what's Jack got to do with you?"

Deeks stopped for a second, twisting his wrists to ease the pain as the handcuffs were little tight .

Kensi turned at the camera  
"Hetty, is that really necessary?" pointing at his handcuffs

"_I'm afraid so, Miss Blye... please continue!" _Hetty's voice was coming through the intercom

Kensi exhaled shaking her head in disappointment. On an impulse, she reached for his handcuffs and loosen them; She held his cold hands for a few seconds before she pulled them back. That little touch was enough to warm his heart and give him strength to continue...  
"He didn't trust Granger, he thought that he had already made a deal with the CIA."

"what deal?"

"a trade - his promotion for Jack!"

"I still don't get it... what's Jack got to do with you?" she repeated the question impatiently. Worry and fear were hidden in every word she uttered; in every expression her face was making

"He trusts me...!"

"Jack! _trusts_...YOU?" she chuckled "since when...? He doesn't even know you!"

"He trusts whoever Hetty trusts...!" he shot back

"and you want me to believe that? You decided to help him - putting yourself in danger - because of Hetty?"

"Despite what Jack believed, we didn't - and still don't - know Granger's real motives. Who knows what he was up to; he might have wanted to replace me with Jack. I didn't want to lose that!" he held back with eyes wide open "... I mean... my position... here"

"so you helped him escape?"

"fugitives and criminals escape... Jack was more like a victim"

"_victim? _he assaulted a federal agent and then he ran away! it doesn't look like a victim to me!"

"Granger wasn't supposed to be at the Motel; Before Granger showed up, everything was going according to our plan! He must have spooked him somehow, and things turned ugly. By the time I got there, Jack had already left"

"and what kind of _plan_ was that?" she asked him curiously

At that very moment the door opened and Hetty got in slowly  
"Based on an anonymous tip... it seams that Jack crossed the Afghanistan borders about an hour ago! the "package" was delivered..." she stated looking at Deeks meaningfully

"How?!" Kensi asked her unable to hide her surprise

"I think Mr Deeks has an answer to that!" Hetty replied staring directly at him

Deeks tugged on a strand of his blond hair nervously  
"Inside the cartels..." he replied

"drug...cartels...?" Kensi squinted her eyes suspiciously as she started to realize what was going on

"Yeah!... a DEA agent offered to help me"

"HER, AGAIN!?" Kensi burst out

Deeks cleared his throat and continued  
"Wow... Um...Talia was going on a deep undercover assignment in Afghanistan; She's running her own cartel! She would cross the borders tonight; I talked her into, to take Jack with her. She could use someone like him. He was a former agent; he knows the area, the people..."

"_talk her into...? How?" _Kensi returned, furrowing her brows

"Miss Blye, could you please sort this out later?" Hetty intervened as she stood behind her

"Yeah! sure..." Kensi obeyed with a wry smirk crossing her face

"Mr Deeks, your story was quite impressive. Although, your motives are not that convincing... Let's hope LAPD will be as gullible as we are!" Hetty noticed but before she said anything else Nell stormed in...

"...not necessarily" Nell cut her off "according to this file..." she threw the file on the table "Mr Deeks is no longer a cop...!"

"WHAT!" Kensi opened the file and went through every page impatiently "you resigned from LAPD? about a week ago!?" she realized with her mouth slightly open in surprise

Deeks nodded "you should have seen Bates' face, when I announced the "happy news"... he..!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kensi cut him off

"As long as Hetty was in Washington, those papers weren't legitimate. We didn't know if she'll ever come back, did we? I mean... there was no way, Granger would certify the validity of those papers"

"still! you should have told me!" Kensi shrugged and pouted slightly her lips

Deeks looked at her with those puppy-dog eyes which -under different circumstances- could change Kensi's mood instantly.  
"...and lose this..?" he teased her, referring to her expression

Hetty walked slowly towards Deeks, having her hands behind her back. After a long pause she replied giving him a nodding approval  
"OK... OK... Since Detec.." she cleared her throat "Since...Agent Deeks is officially permanent member of our team, LAPD has no authority over him! Mr Deeks belongs to NCIS as much as this case does!... uncuff your partner Miss Blye!" she ordered

"He's off the hook?" Kensi asked her hesitantly

"Not yet. CIA have been trying for months to track Jack down. When he came to Los Angeles, they were that close to catch him; but thanks to Deeks, they missed that chance." Hetty put her hand on Deeks shoulder trying to comfort him  
"Granger's testimony will shed light on many dark sides of this case; including his motives. Soon as they're done with Granger, they'll come for you."

"I know Hetty..." Deeks agreed as her partner removed his handcuffs

"Mr Deeks... you are a valuable asset; you are not alone in this..." she stated and left the room

"Thank you Hetty..."

Nell turned to Deeks with a big smile on her face  
"I guess I won't need to burn _that,_ after all!" she implied glancing at the file

"Yeah, I guess!" he laughed  
"good job Nell! Thank you!"

"You welcome... Agent Deeks! I'll see you **both** at the OPS..." she noticed flashing a crooked smile and left

The two partners were left alone again, facing each other in absolute silence. The handcuffs had left a red mark and a constant pain on Deeks' wrists as a reminder of the day... Kensi on the other hand, was dealing with her confronting feelings which Deeks' answers had evoked.

"Does it hurt?" she reached across the table for his hands. She could touch them freely as there was no one else to watch or hear...

However, Deeks detected a hint of anxiety in her voice  
"Why still I got the sense, that we're not finished yet?" he muttered suspiciously

"you sense correctly...!"

**THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING, THANK YOU FOR YOUR FOLLOWS/FAVS, REVIEWS. YOU GIVE MEANING TO ALL THAT I WRITE!**

**TO BE CONTINUED? (will see... :)**


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